![]() She listened when I had great days and felt like porn was the most empowering thing I could do for myself, how I was claiming sexuality in a way that felt safe and fun for me. My mother didn't yell at me, or talk over me, or dictate to me what I should or shouldn't be doing. Through that discovery, my mother and I began to talk more, sharing feminist writings on sex work (pro, con, and somewhere in the middle), talking about self-care, and discussing the ins and outs of ethical porn. In fact, she felt that my using it to do sex work kind of redeemed it for her, which touched my heart. ![]() ![]() Incredibly, my mother was amused at my use of the name. Not only had I been caught doing sex work, which seemed against her feminist politics, but I was doing it using a name that she hated. I was sure I was about to get disowned.Īs I worked and blogged under a different name, I didn't think she would ever find out. My mother emailed me to say she had discovered that I was doing sex work - and that I was using the name "Stryker," a family name with which my mother had a difficult relationship. As I worked and blogged under a different name, I didn't think she would ever find out. She's a second-wave feminist, so I grew up marching next to her at NOW rallies. By the time I was dabbling in the adult industry, I had read enough about the history of feminism to feel pretty confident that she would not welcome my "alternative lifestyle." I didn't feel very close to her at the time, and I certainly did not feel prepared to talk to her about this career choice. ![]() Still, I tried to hide my work in the porn industry from my mother. It took me many years and 3,000 miles of distance for me to realize my mother was not just a parent, but a person with life experiences of her own. ![]()
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